hi i am emolyee

newyorker:

Celeste Ballard imagines excerpts from the collected letters of Julian Assange: http://nyr.kr/15FbQDo

“I believe you are well intentioned, but surely you can see it is a bad idea for me to get off of this elliptical machine even though I have been on it for more than the allotted thirty minutes.
Consider the consequences of me leaving this machine. My paunch will grow at a rate faster than the greed of your corrupt government. My abs, no longer rock hard, will permit my lily-white stomach to pillow over the waistband of my bluejeans. It is most toxic and I cannot allow it.”

Photograph: Dan Kitwood/Getty

newyorker:

Celeste Ballard imagines excerpts from the collected letters of Julian Assange: http://nyr.kr/15FbQDo

“I believe you are well intentioned, but surely you can see it is a bad idea for me to get off of this elliptical machine even though I have been on it for more than the allotted thirty minutes.

Consider the consequences of me leaving this machine. My paunch will grow at a rate faster than the greed of your corrupt government. My abs, no longer rock hard, will permit my lily-white stomach to pillow over the waistband of my bluejeans. It is most toxic and I cannot allow it.”

Photograph: Dan Kitwood/Getty

(Source: newyorker.com)